I Am Never the Same

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay awhile and leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever, the same. ~Flavia Weedn

February 29, 1992 is a significant day in my life.  I consider it a major turning point.  If Christ's birth divided history into B.C. and A.D., then February 29 divide mine into happy-ever-after versus how-now-brown-cow.  But before I go into the gory details, I am again reminded about another date: November 18, 2010.

Why are these dates even worthy of attention?, you may ask.  Well, the quote above has a lot to do with these dates being important.  At least to me.  Because on these dates, plus one more which I may have chosen to forget, people who came had gone--some permanently, some semi.

I'm not sure if I want to talk about how and why they came and went.  What I really want to talk about is how these comings and goings have created an impact on who I am now.

Generally speaking, when people come into our lives, there is anticipation and excitement.  More so when these people come under favorable circumstances.  Even more so when, even though initial encounters are not always favorable, constant exposure to each other allows a deeper, more meaningful relationship.  I am not only talking about romantic relationships here, but true friendship between individuals.

And regardless of whether they stay a while or quickly go, the circumstances that surround the goodbyes or see-you-laters spell the difference.  A goodbye may seem to have a finality to it, while saying "See you later!" may sound as though a friend will be back tomorrow.  But however which way you put it, the thought that a person who has touched your life in more ways than one is turning the other direction to move on his his or her journey brings pain and longing.  May kurot sa puso, as we say in Filipino.

Sometimes, I am tempted to restrain myself from allowing another person to "leave a footprint on my heart".  Why?  For one, perhaps I am afraid that new footprints might erase the old ones, eliminating their memory forever.  Or worse, I fear that my heart would not be able to take another footprint.  For if I allow another to leave that mark, it might be the last one that would turn my heart into stone.

But for whatever it's worth, I still take that leap, sometimes with my eyes closed, as I let people in.  Sometimes I find myself drawing a line, though, as if telling them, "This is as far as you can go."  

The inconsistency of people, of friends coming and going--only passing through--my life may have contributed to who I am today.  I just pray I never lose faith in people, and acknowledge that their coming and going would allow me to stretch myself more instead of allowing myself to shrink.  Maybe then, I would be able to say I am never the same, but in a different light.

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