Broken hearted

I’m listening to inspirational music right now as I write this. Not because it’s Holy Week starting Monday. Actually, what I’m listening to are love songs. Love songs from my Savior.

I know, I know. Here I go again. Bringing all that religious stuff into my blogs. If you don’t want to read this, I understand. But if you decide to humor yourself, read on.

For the past 2 days, I have been feeling low. Heartbroken actually. Not because I split up with someone. There’s no one to break up with in the first place. I am heartbroken because one of my friends isn’t talking to me.

It all started last Thursday. I entered the room, and there was none of the customary greeting. Must be busy, I thought, so I let be. But then, the whole day passed and this friend never said a word to me. Still I let it be. It may be unusual, but we all know how moods could affect a person’s day. So it must be just that—mood.

The next morning (which was yesterday), the “mood” was still there. I tried to break the ice by borrowing some files, which, much to his credit, this friend lent me. But still, no talkies. I ignored it and went on with what I was doing. Besides, I myself was on a deadline so deadma na lang.

But you know how it is when there’s that something dangling in front of your face, you just couldn’t just leave it unnoticed? I was a wreck the whole day because not only was this person giving me the silent treatment, he was serving me the cold shoulder to boot!

I began to feel paranoid. Perhaps it was something that I said. So I dug within the deepest recesses of my memory. Nada. Or maybe I did something that offended him. Dig, dig, dig. None that I could think of. So before I buried myself deep into all the digging I was doing, I decided to send the guy a text message.

“bro, question: may problema ka ba? Napapansin ko lang kasi na hindi ka kumikibo. or rather, di mo ako kinakausap. medyo burdened lang ako. i’m in a chapter assembly and it just struck me.”

It is now 11:26 AM, Saturday. Did the guy reply? Nah! For what reason, I don’t know. Do I still want to know? I’m not sure. A greater part of me shouts, “ignore it!” A part of me still wants to find out. But I guess I’ll go with the majority.

It’s not always easy to accept that a friend would break your heart. But a friend could. In the first place, my heart wouldn’t be broken if this person wasn’t my friend. If he were any Tom, Dick and Harry, it wouldn’t have mattered this much. If the trike driver across the street gave me the cold shoulder, so what? Who’s he to me anyway? If the carinderia lady gave me a smaller serving of rice than that of the other customer, will it spite me? I guess, but after an initial irk, so what?

What I’m saying is, the only person who could actually break your heart is the one who is closest to it. A friend, a brother, a sister, a parent, your child. Someone who is connected to you in some way, but somehow decided to shatter whatever it is that binds you. This reminds me of what Scripture said about human relationships failing you, but never your relationship with the Divine.

I’m still brokenhearted. But I decided to let it go. Not let it be. Because I didn’t. I tried to find out why. However, my friend didn’t respond. So I let go. The ball isn’t in my court anymore. I choose to be pro-active than reactive. Why let my joys depend on the emotions of others? I’ll wait until he sorts things out. But whether he does or doesn’t is not my problem anymore.