grip of grace

The first time I saw this cartoon, I laughed out loud. Why? Because 1) I was interested in a younger guy at that time, and 2) I imagined myself asking the same "What?" question with the same expression written on my face. That was four years ago. Age was such a big deal for me, and an age difference of more than five years made me queasy. No wonder I'm still single! Maybe... or maybe not. But looking back now, I can almost hear God laughing out loud. (Boy, does He have a weird sense of humor!) Because at this point of my life, the only guys I encounter are younger than I am by five years (or more). Of course there are older guys too, but I would have to wait for them to become widowers first. Are you getting my point? What I'm trying to drive at is, it turns out that one of my worst queasiness would dangle right in front of my face. Oh, I can almost see God slapping His knee as He doubles up guffawing. Because today, He slams into my face the fact that age s...

Is it just me? Or is it a coincidence that Pinoy Fear Factor pilots on my birthdate? I think the next 365 days are the face-my-fears days of my life. Today being my 39th birthday, I believe the Lord is trying to tell me something. What that something is, I do not know yet. As soon as I find out, I'll share with you what it is. But as it is right now, I'll just content myself with listening to Corrine May (thanks to my friend Allen for introducing her to me), reading a special reflection book which I believe will guide me to finding out what God has in store for me this year, and embracing my alone-ness (take note: alone , not lonely ). I must admit, sitting in front of my computer typing (or writing on my nice new journal) without any distractions makes my mind churn. And instantly, I am able to translate my thoughts into reflection pieces which I know will help me figure out what I need to figure out this year. So expect a few more blogs from me beginning today. And exp...

My countdown starts tomorrow. What I'm counting down about, I have yet to find out. See, I'm trying to find out what God wants me to do for the next 12 months. And for the past 9 days, He has been sending me random messages. Actually, they feel more like mixed signals. Like, for the last three days, the song Be It Unto Me had been ringing in my head. And then this afternoon, a long time family friend had hinted how much he liked me. I was like, "Why didn't you say so?!" But it's too late now. He got hitched last summer, leaving me perplexed. (I'm sorry. I just couldn't understand why he never told me anything before he got married. Men!!!) So now I sit here, wondering. Truth is, I have been asking God since 5:00 this afternoon the million-dollar question: WHY, GOD? Why did he have to tell me today, of all days? And why did he have to tell me in the first place? He's married, and there's nothing he (nor I) can do about it. I real...

2007 was a year of change for me. New perspectives, new habits, new lessons learned, new apartment, new friends... I don't know why I suddenly had this urge to look back at the year that was. I'm not dying, am I? Well, at least not yet. I just have this "something" inside me that moves me this very minute, that suddenly made my life flash before me and prompted me to count my blessings and struggles and opportunities that came my way. Good grief! I must be getting old! Well, I'd like to think that I'm maturing more and more as my chronological age advances. But then again, I believe that being in the company of more mature women (and men) is the true reason. Before the year ended, I crossed-over to another ministry. I left the singles ministry I've grown to love and took a leap of faith to the next level. No, I am not yet in the couples ministry. I am now in what I'd like to call my "transition ministry" of the Handmaids of the Lord...

Last night, while staring blankly on the images moving about on TV, I suddenly had a realization—all my life, I had been taking care of people. Being the eldest among four siblings, I had been expected to look after my younger brothers and sister since the start. I remember taking the three of them to school when I was in my senior year in high school. And staying home during weekends to wash our clothes, cook our meals, clean the house, etc. After my mom died when I was in second year, I took it upon myself to take care of the family, even my dad. In college, it was the same. Although I lived away from my family, I was still the Ate (big sister) of everybody. My block mates relied on me for support—whether academically, morally, or sometimes financially. For them, I have always been the tough one, the shoulder to cry on even for one coño guy who couldn’t seem to survive the state university because he didn’t speak Tagalog. I had always been the leader, the captain of the team...

When I was in fourth grade, I knew what I wanted to be. A journalist. During summer vacation, I remember tearing away pages in my notebook that have been written on and keeping the blank ones. Then I would write stories on the blank pages. I don’t remember what stories I have written, but I do remember showing them to my dad. That was when he said, “ Anak , I think you’re going to be a journalist when you grow up.” In high school, my Tita Mary gave me a sketch pad. It was just a bunch of bond paper with green covers done in perfect binding. But I treasured that sketch pad. I would bring it to school every day, and while waiting for the teacher to arrive, I would draw my favorite cartoon characters on it. Sometimes, when the school bus was late, that sketch pad kept me busy. I must say I did some pretty neat pictures on that sketch pad, so I said to myself, “Maybe I could become an artist!” But that didn’t happen after high school. I went to the State University for a degre...

Guess what! I’m listening to Sesame Street classics as I write this blog. And I’m on a roll! Since Saturday, I had been reliving the good old Sesame Street days. I discovered YouTube.com and I searched for all my favorite SS video clips… and it definitely brought back happy memories of my childhood. See, I grew up on Sesame Street . I remember watching the stuff since I was 4 or 5 years old. I learned my alphabet and numbers and shapes and about sharing and cooperation from Sesame Street (remember the Gonk and the Giffle?). I witnessed Maria and David dating, Luis and Linda falling in love, Gordon and Susan being happily married, Kermit singing about not easy being green, Maria marrying Luis (whatever happened to David?!?), Mr. Snuffle-upagus appearing and disappearing, Super Grover not being able to fly because someone was stepping on his cape, Ernie and Bert arguing about anything, the amazing Mumford (a la peanut butter sandwiches!)… Man, I could go on and on! But through the yea...

Yub, you read id right, by title's dot a typo. By blogk isn'd riddled by typo's either. I've god a cold, that's why. I just wand you to ibagine how I speak by wriding this way. By sinuses have beed actig up for three whole days. I feel like I'b carryig a kigsize dose betweed by eyes. Id's depressig sindce I couldn't go out. I wanded do watch Superban todight but I can'd. I gotta rest. I'b goig home in a while. Id's a log weekend anyway, so I'll have plendy of tibe to sleeb.

For the past two years, I have been hooked on a not-so-typical detective series. It's called The Cat Who... Series by Lillian Jackson Braun. It's about a prize-winning crime reporter who adopted two Siamese cats--Koko and Yumyum. Together, this threesome solves mysteries. The mystery part is interesting, yes. But what keeps me glued to every page is the Siamese pair. I just love reading about how smart they are, and how fastidious cats could be. And so I decided, "I wanna get myself a Siamese!" But then again, during those two years, I had the privilege of knowing Simon. No, he's not the man of my dreams. He's a pug. A very loveable pug. His human says he's the runt of the litter, but what the hey! I still think he's adorable. And so at about the same time, I said to myself, "I have to find a pug for me!" So now, it's a toss up between getting a cat or getting a dog. And before I get to that final decision, I need to consider a few facto...

I enjoyed my lunch yesterday. I totally enjoyed it that I thought of sharing with everyone my lunch experience. I was in Makati from 9am till 12noon yesterday. So I decided to have lunch at Amici di Don Bosco. It's right behind the church, just across Makati Cinema Square, but you have to go out the church gate and walk on Pasay Road to get there. The moment you enter the doors of Amici, your nose would be assaulted by cacophony of scents coming from the kitchen--mostly Italian! Instantly, you will be drawn to the pasta corner, where they concoct 28 varieties of pasta--from spaghetti to linguine, to fettuccine, or meccheroni--each cooked as you order. If you march deeper inside Amici, the smell of freshly baked pizza fills the air. And when you look to your left, the different gelatto flavors will definitely make your mouth water. My personaly favorites are the Pasta mOntanara (Spinach fusilli with sausage, bell peppers, red sauce, and a generous portion of mozzarella and pa...

At last, I am finally home. Home as in my apartment. After almost 2 months of working rigorously on the Silver Book project, I am going back to my old routine—wake up at 8am, walk to the office, check my email, work till 6pm, go to a household prayer meeting, be home by 12 midnight, go to bed… and the cycle continues. Like clockwork. But one day out of the project and I begin to feel disoriented. Having been cooped up for more than a month, I suddenly feel that the world is too big and all I want to do is retreat to a little corner, away from everyone else. Maybe that’s what isolation can do to someone. But then again, as I think about it more and more, I realize it’s something else—I miss everything that happened in those one month and a half of being quartered in Mapayapa Village. Yes, that’s what it is! It’s not so much of being isolated, but the moments within that period of isolation. Aside from the back-breaking work (which is truly unforgettable), what I long for most are the la...

For two straight weeks, I have been a house guest/ artist’s assistant of Tita Mariles. She’s the art director of our Silver Book project. Every day, we’d wake up, have breakfast at 7:30 with her family, eat again every two hours and work like there’s no tomorrow. No, we’re not trying to kill ourselves… yet. Maybe torture or some sort of self-inflicted pain. But suicide? Definitely out of the question. Don’t get me wrong. We enjoy the job extremely. I personally love it. It’s like a dream come true. I’m part of a huge project, and I’m helping out the art director do some actual graphic arts! It’s just that there’s so much to do, and there’s so little time. Last thing I heard, we’re gunning it for another week. Hopefully, this is the final week. And then we could all go back to our little routines again. Tonight’s actually the first time we turned in at exactly 10PM. Also, the case being tomorrow, the world will be celebrating Mother’s Day. And we really need a break (or ...

MY FRIEND, DOGLAS Meet Doglas. I just met him myself. He lives in Baguio City. He works there, too. He's kinda like a public figure up there. Lots of people want to have their picture taken with him. And who wouldn't? Just look at those large sorrowful eyes. He's a gwapo dawg, if I may say so. If you ever wander the streets of Baguio or stop by the Mines View park, just look for this large yet gentle giant of a St. Bernard. You wouldn't miss him. One look and you'll fall head over heels in love with him. He looks like someone who'll just cuddle and listen to your woes, although he's mcuh too heavy to be a lap dog. But like his fellow St. Bernards, Doglas seems like a dog that would rescue you from any danger. So next time you spend a few days in the City of Pines, have your picture taken with Doglas. It'll only cost you a few pesos. But you get to hug him all you want as you pose and say cheese.

Ever been down in the dumps? I'm still in it, and frankly speaking, I think I wanna stay here for a while. Sometimes, it's just as good to feel your misery. You know, just let it caress you a bit, wiggle your toes in it. Much like drinking in the wind as you walk on the beach, with your bare feet buried in the sand and sea water softly kissing your heels. I like that. But of course, i couldn't stay in it too long. I could get drowned in my sorrows. I could go deeper and deeper and not be able to come up for air. Disaster! For now, I'll stay. But by tomorrow, or the next day, I'd be ready to shake it off. See you in my happiness!

...i do crazy things. and think crazy thoughts. (nothing lewd, just zany ones) and speak gibberish. like, i get dfghorihohn every time i see the object of my affection. he never ceases to nvunrusiapdfk and amaze me. my heart goes nvyutjriyxy and i feel all pviruintyz every time we cnvyrka. being in love feels so ncurnzuiz! if only he would love me back...

what am i doing? i'm propagating a unicameral form of idiosyncrasy occurring malevolently in meritorious piece of clasterubial brain. in short, nakatanga lang ako . (disclaimer: i didn't make this statement up. a friend sent this via sms and i copied it here because, well, that's what i was precisely doing before i decided to make my fingers dance on the keyboard.) true, this is what i was doing prior to this blog. my brain just refuses to think, and my muscles don't seem like they're in the mood for work. maybe because i've pushed myself to the limit, rising before the sun was up, running here and there, and dropping like a log on my unmade bed long after the world had gone to sleep--every day for the last 5 days. when i woke up this morning, my throat burned, my shirt was wet with perspiration though the fan was on, yet i felt chilly at the same time. hot breath comes out of my nose when i exhale. could it be the flu? i seriously hope so, since being sick was ...

Betrayal. You never see it coming. Even when it's there, dancing in front of your face. Five years ago, a friendship blossomed between two women. They were the exact opposite of each other, but despite this, they got along pretty well. They were practically sisters! They shared the same room in a house, laughed and cried at the same movies, shared the same appetite for food, hung out together, stood up for each other--those sort of things. But then, somewhere along the way, something terribly wrong happened. Suddenly, one of them lost her appetite for the things they shared. In the beginning, it was barely noticeable. But as time passed, one person decided to erect a great big wall between her and her friend. Despite the presence of the "wall", the other friend ignored the gap. After all, they were like family. She reasoned that maybe, their priorities have changed. And inspite of the changes, she was confident that the ties of friendship still remain. But she was wrong. ...

There’s this particular brand of ice cream that I love. It’s a local brand, but it’s not any of those popular kinds that you see on TV or billboards. In fact, this particular ice cream company doesn’t even have a marketing arm to promote its product. You can’t even find this ice cream in the supermarkets. Usually, its outlets are found beside your neighborhood sari-sari store. The best part is, it’s cheap. (Grin!) So, how did I happen to discover this gastronomical phenomenon? One of my friends told me about it. I tried it, loved it, and now it’s my turn to tell my friends about it. Word of mouth. It’s so easy to spread the word. It’s cheap and effective too. As Christians, we are called to mirror Christ so that others may be drawn to Him. So we evangelize. We try Jesus out, we love the new life He has given us, and then we show others how we have experienced His love. We don’t really need any fancy publicity in order to shine God’s light. Our lives should be enough.

It's so hot today. How hot? Let's just say I had to get out of the house before my brain became sizzling sisig! So I got on an airconditioned bus and zoomed to Gateway Mall. I bought myself a drum-sized iced tea and sat down to eat my lunch--fresh garden salad (I'm such a good girl!). I wanted to take off to Boracay and get myself a Jonah's, but then, that's just wishful thinking. The mall's packed. It's Mother's Day, that's why. I'm not a mom, and I don't have a mom anymore, so I couldn't hang out with her in this unbelievable oasis right at the heart of jologs country. I'm sharing a table with a mother and daughter duo. Dunno who they are. It's a "Share-a-seat-win-a-friend" thing. I overheard they're planning to see a movie. Sweet! Bumped into Michelle and Bong. They're trying to seek shelter from the sweltering heat as well. Might stay here a little bit longer. The sun's not very friendly t...

I’m listening to inspirational music right now as I write this. Not because it’s Holy Week starting Monday. Actually, what I’m listening to are love songs. Love songs from my Savior. I know, I know. Here I go again. Bringing all that religious stuff into my blogs. If you don’t want to read this, I understand. But if you decide to humor yourself, read on. For the past 2 days, I have been feeling low. Heartbroken actually. Not because I split up with someone. There’s no one to break up with in the first place. I am heartbroken because one of my friends isn’t talking to me. It all started last Thursday. I entered the room, and there was none of the customary greeting. Must be busy , I thought, so I let be. But then, the whole day passed and this friend never said a word to me. Still I let it be. It may be unusual, but we all know how moods could affect a person’s day. So it must be just that—mood. The next morning (which was yesterday)...